Accomplishments

I had pretty much made up my mind to go to the party by the time I put up my last post (allowing of course for an out in case I was having a bad day). What you read was just the remaining back and forth that my brain insists on doing far too often. I did go to the party and I had a good time.

I think I forgot about the kind of people Rose and Al are. This was not some crowded blowout with lots of people and noise. It was a nice small gathering of about a dozen or so people. We all sat around, ate good food, drank beer, and talked. I even had a beer which insured that I would stay another two hours at least. Given the medications I take for my allergies and anxiety, one beer can make me pretty tipsy. *sigh* All that hard work in college building up my alcohol tolerance was for naught.

I was right in that I only knew three of the people there but everyone else was very nice. The conversation was great. There was none of that banal small talk that I loathe. Instead we discussed everything from politics to Shakespeare. I really do enjoy good conversation and everyone there was very bright and witty.

While I met a few people I didn’t really meet anyone to hang out with. Rose is in her late 40’s/early 50’s and Al just turned 59 (doesn’t look it), so all of their friends were in the same age range. I was by far the youngest person there. In fact I kissed one woman on the forehead and told her I loved her when she said that she didn’t believe that I was 38, and told me that I looked 20 (the lights were dim). I haven’t been carded since I’ve turned 38 so that was good to hear. Vanity thy name is Whim.

My book did come up when Al asked me what I’d been up to lately. He thought it was a good idea. Of course then I had to explain my story to everyone. I gave the abridged version. One woman got tears in her eyes as I told it. I really hate it when that happens. I know that she was just being sympathetic but I hate to see anyone cry over what I’ve been through. I have cried enough tears my own self, and I truly don’t like seeing anyone else do it. At least it didn’t bring the party down. It just sparked a lively discussion about the justice system.

Speaking of my book I must say that 265 pages looks pretty damn impressive when it’s printed out (even though it is far short of what I want). It also costs a lot to print too considering the price of copies went up 2 cents per page. Still it was kind of neat to hold it in my hand. When I paid for it they put all of the pages in a nice little box that says “Copy it. Print it. Flaunt it.” (I guess to brag about the quality of the job they do).

Far be it for me to ignore what a box tells me to do. When I got outside I held it over my head and yelled “Whooo!” I don’t think anyone saw me. I also held it over my head and did a little dance when I got home. This weekend I went over my prologue and the first section and made some corrections. Granted it was all of 12 pages but it’s a start. The real work will come when I get to the medical section and beyond because that is where material needs to be added.

It was funny Al asked me if writing the book had made me feel better. I laughed and said, “Well that kind of depends.” I told him that overall I think it has helped tremendously. I also told him that there were moments of pure hell as well. I know I’ve got some more hell moments coming up.

I know in the end it will be worth it, but I am going to have to steel myself for the task at hand. Not only do I get to revisit it all, I have to find the strength to dig even deeper and find the pieces that are missing, not to mention dealing with what I find. It is a task that I know that I am up to doing though.

This weekend has left me feeling grateful for all that I have accomplished, and for all that I have yet to accomplish. A few months ago I was questioning whether I could see this book project through to the end. Now I have no doubt that I will. A few months ago I would not have gone to that party. But I did go, and I had a great time. I was also right that it really meant a lot to Al and Rose that I showed up.