Now For The Hard Part

So, thirty thousand words…

I have written over thirty thousand words for my book. Yeah I’m stunned.

I promised myself that when I reached twenty-five thousand words that I’d create a title page. I actually waited until I hit thirty thousand. I do have a title for my book. Sorry, I’m not going to tell you what it is, when I finish the first draft maybe. I feel like if I tell you now that I’ll jinx it.

And now comes the hard part. To be honest what I have written so far has been easy(ish). Basically I took my Fire posts and expanded on them. I am done writing about the night of the fire, all the medical stuff, the trial, and the speeches I used to give. Now I am down to what the book is really about, all the mental stuff.

Granted I’m going have to go back and add things to what I’ve already written. There are a few things that I’ve left out (remembered after the fact). I’ve put them on a list. I’ll have to go back and add stuff anyway since I have people who are writing for me about things from their perspective. For now I will forge ahead and continue with what I am working on.

So far my Mom, Cindy (my first therapist), and Dr. M have agreed to write something for me. I have talked to a couple of other people about writing something but I don’t have a firm yes yet (current therapist, landlord). I still have a few people left to talk to and see if they’d be willing to contribute. I need to get on that. I find it kind of daunting because the people I have to contact are not only very busy, but I haven’t spoken to most of them in years.

I was glad that I finally got a hold of Dr. M to talk to him about this. Apparently he has been rather engaged recently. I always hate to hear that, but it is the burn season after all. Along with his writing contribution he is going to get permission for me to use the pictures in my book. I also found out that the burn film never got finished. Apparently the guy who was working on it moved due to family reasons. Dr. M has had a hard time contacting him since.

It’s interesting to be where I’m at now as far as the book goes. I am at the part that is basically the reason for my writing it in the first place. This is what I wanted to do. While I am a bit wary about it in some ways, in many others I am quite excited. I can’t wait to see what I come up with. I hope I can get what I want and need to say written down. Even more I hope what I write doesn’t sound cliché or trite.

Of course I wonder what kind of affect writing this part will have on me. Since I no longer bottle things up I’m sure there will be plenty of tears. I’ll need to invest in more Tylenol and tissue (I used up a great deal of both during my flu battle anyway). I know this is not going to be easy but I also know that it is something that needs to be done.

It’s funny, the whole thing seems so much more real to me now. I don’t know if it is because I have written so many words, because I am finally getting to the heart of the matter, or even if it’s something as simple as giving the book a title. I do know that the fact that it feels more real to me now is not frightening but rather quite exciting.

Again, I don’t expect it to be a walk in the park but I do feel like this is something that is going to happen. I know that I am going to finish this. I am also more than a little amazed.