The Fire Part 6: The Speeches
About a month after I had moved back to my city Mr. S the arson investigator approached me with a question. He said that the North Carolina chapter of the International Association of Arson Investigators (IAAI) was holding its yearly conference in our city and would I be willing to speak to the members about what I'd been through. He told me that not many arson victims come forward (especially the ones who have been injured) and he thought it would be a good idea for the chapter members to hear about arson from a victim's perspective. I said sure why not.
The next time I saw Dr. M I told him about this and he asked me if I wanted to use some slides for my speech. Since I was treated at a teaching hospital and my case was so unusual it was well documented so Dr. M could use the images during his lectures. I thought that was a great idea. When I saw Mr. S again I told him that I had slides of my hands to use in my speech and he said that he had some pictures of the building that I could use. I now had a slide presentation to go with my speech.
I show up the day of the speech nervous as hell but ready to go. I remember that it was a cold, windy, rainy day. It was so windy that my umbrella wasn't very useful and by the time I got in the hotel where the conference was taking place I was soaked. I dried off as best I could but I still looked like a drowned rat for my first speech.
My jitters were tempered by the fact that Mr. S and Mr. T were there as well as some of the firefighters who answered the call the night of the fire. I'd gotten to know some of them pretty well because they checked up on me from time to time and gave me rides to my appointments when I needed it. I also had three good friends come along with me.
So I get up and I give my speech which is pretty much what I told you in parts 1 through 3 just add slides of the building's interior, the damage to my apartment, graphic slides of my hands, and some news paper articles. I had made the front page the day after the fire with a picture of me hanging out of my window. Of course I added more as my surgeries progressed (I was in the beginning of the web space reconstructions when I gave this speech) and after the trial I used what I said in part 4. I also made it a point to tell them that I knew how hard their job was and that what they did didn't go unnoticed or unappreciated even if it was just by me.
At one point during my speech I was feeling particularly nervous and I looked over at my friends for support. All three of them had their heads down on the table and were crying. Most of the audience was crying too. When I was finished I asked if there were any questions. There weren't any questions just a lot of teary eyed guys standing up to say thank you and tell me how brave I was.
After that there were a bunch of presentations. I got a shirt from my city's fire department, a mug from the copter pilots who flew me to the hospital with the burn unit, a bag from the local hospital, and a hat and a shirt from the NC IAAI. I was also treated to a very nice dinner. That was the beginning of my speaking "career". I was never paid (mostly because it would have screwed up my Medicare/Medicaid) I just asked that my travel and hotel expenses were taken care of and that I was fed as well. I did get tons of shirts, hats, quite a few beautiful plaques, and some certificates of appreciation.
My next speaking engagement was in the spring of 1996 a week before the trial. This was at the same time I was experiencing my first week of drug withdrawal from the removal of the permanent epidural. While my first speech was to a state chapter and there were maybe a hundred or more people there, my second speech was at the international conference in St. Louis and in front of more than 800 people. I never knew that you could feel like throwing up, wetting your pants, and passing out all at the same time. It's a very curious sensation.
My speech went well and as usual I made a lot of people cry. I got a few invitations to speak at other state conferences and I said that I'd be happy to speak at them. The NC chapter took great care of me. As a thank you they gave me a lamp that I saw in an antique shop that I liked but couldn't afford to buy. It was a nice conference, each state had a hospitality room that was open each night and I got a lot of IAAI pins from different states (I already had one from NC). I have a jean jacket in my closet covered with those pins. There was a banquet the last night of the conference with an award ceremony. I was called up and given a certificate of appreciation.
I only gave a little more than a dozen speeches over the next five years or so. My surgeries came first so the speaking engagements were scheduled around my surgeries. Where I spoke was pretty much decided on a first come first serve basis. For some reason the majority of state IAAI conferences take place in the fall and when I had enough notice Dr. M and I would schedule the surgeries around those dates.
Not all places are big enough to have full time arson investigators so when I spoke at an IAAI conference not only were there arson investigators, I spoke to cops, firefighters, private detectives, and insurance adjustors, all who worked their regular jobs and held arson investigator licenses. I attended a lot of lectures and classes and learned a lot about fire science, arson scenes, interrogation techniques, etc. I even took a test once as a lark and passed it with flying colors. The only questions I got wrong were questions on architectural engineering, not my strong suit I guess. I think my favorite lectures were the ones by forensic pathologists. I was raised by a nurse who would talk about the gory details of her day over dinner. I am not easily grossed out. And while I've never wanted to work in the medical field I find it fascinating.
The people at these conferences were about 90% male and 10% female. The men were always gentlemen and the women were pretty tough. Like I mentioned before I usually made them cry and three people have passed out because of my slides. I was always thanked profusely for telling them my tale. I had one guy tell me that before he had heard me speak he was seriously considering quitting his job and changed his mind after he had heard what I had to say. That was the best thing anyone had ever said to me while I was giving my speeches. I will tell you one thing. These people know how to blow off steam and party. I saw a lot of drunken craziness but nothing I hadn't already seen in college. I can't blame them; they have tough jobs and need a way to blow off some steam.
Later in 1996 I went to a NC state chapter meeting because Mr. S said that everyone wanted to see how I was doing. As the meeting was drawing to a close I was made an honorary member of the NC IAAI and given a beautiful plaque. I was also asked to speak at the state conference in October because at this point North and South Carolina had decided to pool their recourses and hold their conferences jointly, in Myrtle Beach no less. I agreed and got laughed at when I mentioned the fact that the NC boys might get a little bored hearing my speech again.
In November of 1996 Mr. S and I went to the NY IAAI conference held at the state fire training facility in Montour Falls, NY. The facility was very impressive and I was warmly received. I remember after my speech a guy came up to me and asked, "How many inches did you lose?" I laughed and asked him what vertebrae he'd broken, how many inches did he lose, and told him that I had lost one inch off my height. I forget what vertebrae he broke but it was only one and he lost an inch of his height just like I did. I got to see my first forensic pathologist speak. He was the expert for the state of California during the OJ Simpson trial, I forget his name. He gave a great lecture and I learned a lot about what fire can do to a human body. The only slides that bothered me were the ones he showed of babies but then they bothered everybody.
I spoke at the Iowa state IAAI convention in 1997. September of 1997 was pretty busy for me as I gave speeches for both the Delaware Volunteer Fireman's Association and the ATF's Canine Accelerant Detection Program. Those arson sniffing dogs are so smart and so terrific at what they do. In the state of Delaware all of the fire departments in the state (except for the capital Wilmington) are volunteer fire departments. The speech at Delaware was given to a crowd about the same size as the one I gave at the international convention, around 800 people. I was given a special recognition award, the first one ever given by the Delaware VFA to a citizen.
This convention is a very big deal in Delaware. There is a huge parade in which every fire department marches and there is every kind of fire truck imaginable from the latest models to antiques. The parade is about an hour and a half long and the turnout is huge. The Governor of Delaware and one of the Senators showed up for this, the Governor even marched in the parade. I was lucky enough to meet them both and to get to sit in the review stand and watch the whole thing. I also became great friends with a couple who came to see me give other speeches whenever I was near Delaware. I think they've seen me speak at least three times, maybe four.
In 1998 I gave speeches to the New Jersey IAAI in Atlantic City and for the Wisconsin chapter of the IAAI as well. I got to see my second lecture by a forensic pathologist in Wisconsin. I spoke for the Burn Foundation in Pennsylvania and at a conference for the prevention of arson crimes by juveniles in New Jersey. After I was done speaking someone stood up and said that my story was great but what should they do about preventing juveniles from setting fires. I told them to take at risk kids to the nearest burn unit, something Mr. T and I did for a couple of teenage boys who were convicted of setting a fire. I think they might have committed previous crimes but neither those crimes nor the arson they committed (to an abandoned house) were serious. They were ordered to see my slide presentation and with the help of Dr. M, visit the burn unit. I have no idea how the kids are doing today and I wonder about them from time to time.
In 1999 most of the speeches I gave were in North and South Carolina. They were mostly to fire departments and a couple of civic groups. Mr. S retired that fall and a big banquet was held at the civic center in his honor. I was lucky enough to get to say a few words of thanks and praise. The arson headquarters building was named after him as he was the first full time arson investigator in this county and was instrumental in setting up the arson task force.
By 2000 I gave only a couple of small speeches. I wasn't feeling as good about giving my speeches as I used to. While before when I gave a speech it felt kind of cathartic, when I was giving a speech at that time all it did was make me feel horribly depressed. I had decided that I needed to give up speaking for a while or maybe for good.
I was asked by Mr. S if I would speak once more at the joint NC/SC IAAI conference in 2001. While he had retired from the profession he was still active in the organization. I said yes because they were my people and it was always good to see them. I knew most of the members and considered them friends so why not.
Ever since my first speech I attended almost every NC/SC state conference from 1996 until 2001. I was brought in simply so they could keep in touch with me and so they could help set me up with speaking engagements. I enjoyed going to the classes and when there was a class I had taken before or wasn't interested in I just simply had some fun in Myrtle Beach. Even in October it can be warm enough to swim sometimes. I even got to see my third forensic pathologist speak at one of our conferences, Dr. Henry Lee. Dr. Lee testified for the defense in the OJ Simpson trial, he gave a great lecture and is quite a character. One of his assistants was the person who preformed the autopsy on Mary. Just so you know, he thinks that OJ did it but that he had some help.
In the fall of 2001 I was in the grips of a severe depression and experiencing post traumatic stress disorder as well. I gave my speech as usual but I was unable to do much else. I did not go to any classes (I had taken them all) and I only came out of my room for meals and maybe to go drinking at night. I did go to the banquet dinner the last night. I think I not only offended them, I hurt their feelings. It was not my intent and I am very sorry that it turned out that way. I should have known better than to agree to give a speech considering the mental state I was in.
I've run into Mr. S a time or two since then and he's been cordial but other than that I haven't seen or heard from anyone else. I still get the NC IAAI newsletter and announcements of upcoming meetings and I still get a new membership card in the mail each year but that is all. I do not blame them; I blame myself because I never had the balls to explain to them what was going on or the decency to apologize for my behavior. I still think of them fondly and every time I see Mr. T on the news talking about a fire I am quite proud of the job he is doing.
I have been told by many people since then that they think I should be a motivational speaker. What I say is that I'm not interested or that I don't think I can handle it which is true. What I think is what kind of speech says you too can go through horrible things, survive, and become a complete basket case. Yeah that would really get people motivated I tell you.
My next blog will be the last one about the fire. I will let you know where I'm at now in my life and tie up any loose ends.
The next time I saw Dr. M I told him about this and he asked me if I wanted to use some slides for my speech. Since I was treated at a teaching hospital and my case was so unusual it was well documented so Dr. M could use the images during his lectures. I thought that was a great idea. When I saw Mr. S again I told him that I had slides of my hands to use in my speech and he said that he had some pictures of the building that I could use. I now had a slide presentation to go with my speech.
I show up the day of the speech nervous as hell but ready to go. I remember that it was a cold, windy, rainy day. It was so windy that my umbrella wasn't very useful and by the time I got in the hotel where the conference was taking place I was soaked. I dried off as best I could but I still looked like a drowned rat for my first speech.
My jitters were tempered by the fact that Mr. S and Mr. T were there as well as some of the firefighters who answered the call the night of the fire. I'd gotten to know some of them pretty well because they checked up on me from time to time and gave me rides to my appointments when I needed it. I also had three good friends come along with me.
So I get up and I give my speech which is pretty much what I told you in parts 1 through 3 just add slides of the building's interior, the damage to my apartment, graphic slides of my hands, and some news paper articles. I had made the front page the day after the fire with a picture of me hanging out of my window. Of course I added more as my surgeries progressed (I was in the beginning of the web space reconstructions when I gave this speech) and after the trial I used what I said in part 4. I also made it a point to tell them that I knew how hard their job was and that what they did didn't go unnoticed or unappreciated even if it was just by me.
At one point during my speech I was feeling particularly nervous and I looked over at my friends for support. All three of them had their heads down on the table and were crying. Most of the audience was crying too. When I was finished I asked if there were any questions. There weren't any questions just a lot of teary eyed guys standing up to say thank you and tell me how brave I was.
After that there were a bunch of presentations. I got a shirt from my city's fire department, a mug from the copter pilots who flew me to the hospital with the burn unit, a bag from the local hospital, and a hat and a shirt from the NC IAAI. I was also treated to a very nice dinner. That was the beginning of my speaking "career". I was never paid (mostly because it would have screwed up my Medicare/Medicaid) I just asked that my travel and hotel expenses were taken care of and that I was fed as well. I did get tons of shirts, hats, quite a few beautiful plaques, and some certificates of appreciation.
My next speaking engagement was in the spring of 1996 a week before the trial. This was at the same time I was experiencing my first week of drug withdrawal from the removal of the permanent epidural. While my first speech was to a state chapter and there were maybe a hundred or more people there, my second speech was at the international conference in St. Louis and in front of more than 800 people. I never knew that you could feel like throwing up, wetting your pants, and passing out all at the same time. It's a very curious sensation.
My speech went well and as usual I made a lot of people cry. I got a few invitations to speak at other state conferences and I said that I'd be happy to speak at them. The NC chapter took great care of me. As a thank you they gave me a lamp that I saw in an antique shop that I liked but couldn't afford to buy. It was a nice conference, each state had a hospitality room that was open each night and I got a lot of IAAI pins from different states (I already had one from NC). I have a jean jacket in my closet covered with those pins. There was a banquet the last night of the conference with an award ceremony. I was called up and given a certificate of appreciation.
I only gave a little more than a dozen speeches over the next five years or so. My surgeries came first so the speaking engagements were scheduled around my surgeries. Where I spoke was pretty much decided on a first come first serve basis. For some reason the majority of state IAAI conferences take place in the fall and when I had enough notice Dr. M and I would schedule the surgeries around those dates.
Not all places are big enough to have full time arson investigators so when I spoke at an IAAI conference not only were there arson investigators, I spoke to cops, firefighters, private detectives, and insurance adjustors, all who worked their regular jobs and held arson investigator licenses. I attended a lot of lectures and classes and learned a lot about fire science, arson scenes, interrogation techniques, etc. I even took a test once as a lark and passed it with flying colors. The only questions I got wrong were questions on architectural engineering, not my strong suit I guess. I think my favorite lectures were the ones by forensic pathologists. I was raised by a nurse who would talk about the gory details of her day over dinner. I am not easily grossed out. And while I've never wanted to work in the medical field I find it fascinating.
The people at these conferences were about 90% male and 10% female. The men were always gentlemen and the women were pretty tough. Like I mentioned before I usually made them cry and three people have passed out because of my slides. I was always thanked profusely for telling them my tale. I had one guy tell me that before he had heard me speak he was seriously considering quitting his job and changed his mind after he had heard what I had to say. That was the best thing anyone had ever said to me while I was giving my speeches. I will tell you one thing. These people know how to blow off steam and party. I saw a lot of drunken craziness but nothing I hadn't already seen in college. I can't blame them; they have tough jobs and need a way to blow off some steam.
Later in 1996 I went to a NC state chapter meeting because Mr. S said that everyone wanted to see how I was doing. As the meeting was drawing to a close I was made an honorary member of the NC IAAI and given a beautiful plaque. I was also asked to speak at the state conference in October because at this point North and South Carolina had decided to pool their recourses and hold their conferences jointly, in Myrtle Beach no less. I agreed and got laughed at when I mentioned the fact that the NC boys might get a little bored hearing my speech again.
In November of 1996 Mr. S and I went to the NY IAAI conference held at the state fire training facility in Montour Falls, NY. The facility was very impressive and I was warmly received. I remember after my speech a guy came up to me and asked, "How many inches did you lose?" I laughed and asked him what vertebrae he'd broken, how many inches did he lose, and told him that I had lost one inch off my height. I forget what vertebrae he broke but it was only one and he lost an inch of his height just like I did. I got to see my first forensic pathologist speak. He was the expert for the state of California during the OJ Simpson trial, I forget his name. He gave a great lecture and I learned a lot about what fire can do to a human body. The only slides that bothered me were the ones he showed of babies but then they bothered everybody.
I spoke at the Iowa state IAAI convention in 1997. September of 1997 was pretty busy for me as I gave speeches for both the Delaware Volunteer Fireman's Association and the ATF's Canine Accelerant Detection Program. Those arson sniffing dogs are so smart and so terrific at what they do. In the state of Delaware all of the fire departments in the state (except for the capital Wilmington) are volunteer fire departments. The speech at Delaware was given to a crowd about the same size as the one I gave at the international convention, around 800 people. I was given a special recognition award, the first one ever given by the Delaware VFA to a citizen.
This convention is a very big deal in Delaware. There is a huge parade in which every fire department marches and there is every kind of fire truck imaginable from the latest models to antiques. The parade is about an hour and a half long and the turnout is huge. The Governor of Delaware and one of the Senators showed up for this, the Governor even marched in the parade. I was lucky enough to meet them both and to get to sit in the review stand and watch the whole thing. I also became great friends with a couple who came to see me give other speeches whenever I was near Delaware. I think they've seen me speak at least three times, maybe four.
In 1998 I gave speeches to the New Jersey IAAI in Atlantic City and for the Wisconsin chapter of the IAAI as well. I got to see my second lecture by a forensic pathologist in Wisconsin. I spoke for the Burn Foundation in Pennsylvania and at a conference for the prevention of arson crimes by juveniles in New Jersey. After I was done speaking someone stood up and said that my story was great but what should they do about preventing juveniles from setting fires. I told them to take at risk kids to the nearest burn unit, something Mr. T and I did for a couple of teenage boys who were convicted of setting a fire. I think they might have committed previous crimes but neither those crimes nor the arson they committed (to an abandoned house) were serious. They were ordered to see my slide presentation and with the help of Dr. M, visit the burn unit. I have no idea how the kids are doing today and I wonder about them from time to time.
In 1999 most of the speeches I gave were in North and South Carolina. They were mostly to fire departments and a couple of civic groups. Mr. S retired that fall and a big banquet was held at the civic center in his honor. I was lucky enough to get to say a few words of thanks and praise. The arson headquarters building was named after him as he was the first full time arson investigator in this county and was instrumental in setting up the arson task force.
By 2000 I gave only a couple of small speeches. I wasn't feeling as good about giving my speeches as I used to. While before when I gave a speech it felt kind of cathartic, when I was giving a speech at that time all it did was make me feel horribly depressed. I had decided that I needed to give up speaking for a while or maybe for good.
I was asked by Mr. S if I would speak once more at the joint NC/SC IAAI conference in 2001. While he had retired from the profession he was still active in the organization. I said yes because they were my people and it was always good to see them. I knew most of the members and considered them friends so why not.
Ever since my first speech I attended almost every NC/SC state conference from 1996 until 2001. I was brought in simply so they could keep in touch with me and so they could help set me up with speaking engagements. I enjoyed going to the classes and when there was a class I had taken before or wasn't interested in I just simply had some fun in Myrtle Beach. Even in October it can be warm enough to swim sometimes. I even got to see my third forensic pathologist speak at one of our conferences, Dr. Henry Lee. Dr. Lee testified for the defense in the OJ Simpson trial, he gave a great lecture and is quite a character. One of his assistants was the person who preformed the autopsy on Mary. Just so you know, he thinks that OJ did it but that he had some help.
In the fall of 2001 I was in the grips of a severe depression and experiencing post traumatic stress disorder as well. I gave my speech as usual but I was unable to do much else. I did not go to any classes (I had taken them all) and I only came out of my room for meals and maybe to go drinking at night. I did go to the banquet dinner the last night. I think I not only offended them, I hurt their feelings. It was not my intent and I am very sorry that it turned out that way. I should have known better than to agree to give a speech considering the mental state I was in.
I've run into Mr. S a time or two since then and he's been cordial but other than that I haven't seen or heard from anyone else. I still get the NC IAAI newsletter and announcements of upcoming meetings and I still get a new membership card in the mail each year but that is all. I do not blame them; I blame myself because I never had the balls to explain to them what was going on or the decency to apologize for my behavior. I still think of them fondly and every time I see Mr. T on the news talking about a fire I am quite proud of the job he is doing.
I have been told by many people since then that they think I should be a motivational speaker. What I say is that I'm not interested or that I don't think I can handle it which is true. What I think is what kind of speech says you too can go through horrible things, survive, and become a complete basket case. Yeah that would really get people motivated I tell you.
My next blog will be the last one about the fire. I will let you know where I'm at now in my life and tie up any loose ends.
posted by whimsical brainpan at 10:39 PM
3 Comments:
"What I think is, what kind of speech says you too can go through horrible things, survive, and become a complete basket case."
Heh, I know that speech:)
You don't write like a basket case,and this blog is motivational, at least to me. Thanks for sharing your story.
Seems to me that you could just forward this post to the NC IAAI folks and let it do the explaining for you. I can't imagine anyone has any hurt or hard feelings about what went on in 2001 - that was a hard time for all of us, and definitely for you more than most.
I am 30 minutes from Jersey if you ever come again. Delaware is also very close.
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